(Believe it or not, I am not an English major) <- that’s not the paradox, I just wanted to put that out there in case you read the title and were like “oh yikes another English major blogging about her time abroad”
I don’t really know if I like adventure. If you looked at the “big picture summary” of my life you might think that I do because
- I moved from the SF Bay Area to Nashville, TN to go to Vanderbilt
- I’m spending the next four months in Copenhagen
- I get bored really easily when I have nothing to do
- I ALWAYS volunteer to go first, even when I don’t really know what I’m doing
- I sometimes slip into a lofty-dreamy kind of manner when I talk about taking risks and trying new things
- When I’m baking I usually guess instead of actually using measuring cups (I know right)
I think about these things and I’m like “hey, go me, I’m adventurous.” But then I look a little closer and I realize that I also really like being comfortable and the thought of travel kind of tires me out and I’d much rather watch How I Met Your Mother for the 6th time than start any new series. And then I get all stressed out and wonder if I’m really ready for this even though I know that I am because I go through this before just about every big transition in my life and it always ends up being fine.
I think what’s funny though is that every time you tell someone you’re studying abroad next semester, they expect you to be PSYCHED because, well, you’re going abroad next semester, and then you have to pretend to be PSYCHED even though you probably will be more nervous that PSYCHED, at least until orientation starts and there are so many things to be PSYCHED about and not enough time in the day to be nervous. And by you I mean me.
So maybe where this paradox comes from is the fact that while I really like being in The Unknown, thinking about The Unknown kind of stresses me out. I think this is a little different than being an “in the moment” kind of person, because I am a meticulous planner and rarely just jump into thing blind. But the real payoff comes when you’re actually doing the thing, even if it’s not exactly what you planned. It’s the equivalent of how when you’re teaching, you want to know your lesson plan back and forth, but the best ~teachable moments~ are the ones where the kids come out of nowhere and do something awesome.
All of this to say, I’m kind of tired of this waiting phase and am ready to get on a plane. 16 days ’til takeoff.